


Evans relapse episode

by Theatremania



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Broadway, Connor Murphy comforts Evan, Connors chill, Evan Hansens a sad boy today, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Musicals, Tree Bros, Your not alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24200851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theatremania/pseuds/Theatremania
Summary: Evan gets a text from Miguel and panics and ends up doing something hell regret. Connor finds out and tries to comfort him but there's really no point right now.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Kudos: 28





	Evans relapse episode

I'm listening to music, right now I'm in 5th period which is English. God I hate English. I like writing, writing about my feelings, my problems, my thoughts, my urges… so I like English just not here. 

I can’t write anything I truly feel, in this class it's all about “positivity and love”. Screw that. I’m a negative person, I'm scared to be positive because I mean, really what's the point of being happy one minute when next minute you're hitting rock bottom alone in your room at 2am. . 

But that's why I have Evan. He keeps me feeling ok. I care about him. He's so nice even when I'm the biggest ass to him.  
Schools finally over.

“Evan”

“Oh hey, Connor.”

“ Were still hanging today, right?”

“ Of course. When should I come over?”

“Well I have my parents' car today so I was thinking right now?”

“ Oh ok “

As were walking to my car…. Well my parents car I see Evan more fidgety than usual  
I kicked a rock and he tensed up and jumped in fear or something. 

“You ok buddy?” I always call him buddy or something cheesy like that. I know it makes him feel more secure.

“ Yes i-im ok” 

As he's saying that he's becoming more tense and tugs on his jacket.

I ask him to take off the jacket because it's “too hot” for one to be on right now. Which is partly true.

He takes off the jacket 

When he does I see him struggling to hide his arm

“Hey um Evan… show me your arm”

“ W-what? Why? No.”

“Evan I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Let me see your arm.”

“No. Wh-”

“Fuck Evan! Because I know you're cutting again!” 

I felt bad for yelling but I hate seeing him struggling trying to do this alone.

He shows me his arm. I see the cuts, they look brand new.

“Evan, when did this happen?”

“Like last night.”

Bullshit these are way to brand to be from last night

“Evan those are too new to be from last night. Please, tell me what really happened.”

“O-ok fine. It was during school today in the bathroom.”

“Ok why in the bathroom and why the fuck at school?” 

“Cause fucking Miguel texted me saying you only hang out with me to feel better about yourself and I- I exploded.” 

“That's not tru-”

“ MHM. yup I know its not I just Overreact every little fucking thing got it”

“That’s not what i meant, Evan.”

“I know what you meant. I just feel so alone and broken.”

“Evan. Listen to me. Remember the first day we met?”

“Yeah you mean when i tried to kill myself and you go into a fight with your dad and you found me laying on the ground next to the tree?”

“Yes.”

“Ok…. so what's your point?” 

I'm starting to get angry at him because he keeps trying to be a smart ass but I'm keeping it together.

“My point. Is that shits fucking hard, it gets so hard. But we are there for each other no matter what. Look how far we've progressed from that day.” 

“I know but Connor, relapse is part of recovery. This isn't an every week thing or any of that I just couldn't handle what I was feeling when he said that.”

“I know, Evan. I know.”

“I just wanna be fucking normal! I don’t understand why I'm like this. I'm trying my best but yet I'm such a freak show that's why you're my only friend. Everyday I have to go to school and cry in the bathroom holding my chest because I'm worthless, and numb, and hopeless. I'm like this hopeless creation someone made and then just left cause they know I'll never get better.”

At this point we're in the car and he’s sobbing his eyes out screaming at some points and murmuring at others. I hold him in my arms.

“Evan, I'm here. We need to talk about this more, I hate that you feel like you have to hide all this inside.”  
“You are not alone.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey if you've come this far thank you for reading and even if you didn't thanks for trying. I hope you liked this story, its very vulnerable to me and has some meaning.  
> Please like and comment, but if you don't that's ok!


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